Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
