So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
