Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
