You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
