If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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