you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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