dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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