so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
