I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
