Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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