i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
