He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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