I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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