the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
