Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
