Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
