Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
