Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
