I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
