There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
