Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
