He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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