I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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