i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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