ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
