my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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