thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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