I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
