trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
