her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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