kristin has been a bad kristin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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