Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
