I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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