...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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