I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
