1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm too high and old for this...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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