Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
