She is in my trunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
