Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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