i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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