im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
