I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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