I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
