My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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