How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
