His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
