My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey