It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is