Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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  (734): The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister. http://tfl.nu/1i96
  Replies (18) Good night (6889) Bad night (1125)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (15103) Bad night (1201)
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  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (3412)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.

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  (318): my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/jzo6
  Replies (6) Good night (4419) Bad night (1066)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...

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  (484): someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again... http://tfl.nu/xp70
  Replies (3) Good night (2168) Bad night (872)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people

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  (+44): she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people http://tfl.nu/xprr
  Replies (8) Good night (4142) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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  (419): Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this... http://tfl.nu/jh8c
  Replies (19) Good night (1893) Bad night (2990)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

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  (330): i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait. http://tfl.nu/bv41
  Replies (15) Good night (2802) Bad night (916)
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  (646): View more from New York

  You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?

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  (646): You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std? http://tfl.nu/jhp0
  Replies (17) Good night (1382) Bad night (3306)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

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  (541): And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background. http://tfl.nu/q3vc
  Replies (6) Good night (1613) Bad night (664)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I wish I could understand how you function in society

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  (778): it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body (1-778): I wish I could understand how you function in society http://tfl.nu/9z0t
  Replies (4) Good night (1578) Bad night (496)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.

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  (702): The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it. http://tfl.nu/gqru
  Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.

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  (617): I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug. http://tfl.nu/jnbd
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (373)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it

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  (250): the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it http://tfl.nu/lvi5
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (382)

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