I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
