Texts From Last Night

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  (951): View more from California

  Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.

  (951): View more from California

  Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

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  (951): Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night. (951): Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended. http://tfl.nu/dcrw
  Replies (24) Good night (1560) Bad night (2457)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

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  (404): dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs http://tfl.nu/cgkd
  Replies (58) Good night (1046) Bad night (12258)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap

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  (505): sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap http://tfl.nu/vpaq
  Replies (14) Good night (1065) Bad night (4318)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".

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  (210): This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic". http://tfl.nu/3wpo
  Replies (9) Good night (1039) Bad night (3387)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

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  (207): Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices http://tfl.nu/clic
  Replies (34) Good night (7493) Bad night (1283)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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  (440): Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet. http://tfl.nu/2c2c
  Replies (10) Good night (3505) Bad night (1067)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"

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  (954): I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!" http://tfl.nu/l7rl
  Replies (19) Good night (4526) Bad night (2095)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men

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  (404): it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men http://tfl.nu/z2fi
  Replies (20) Good night (1459) Bad night (3328)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?

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  (765): What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth? http://tfl.nu/fmc3
  Replies (13) Good night (2835) Bad night (820)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.

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  (734): Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books. http://tfl.nu/5hjw
  Replies (17) Good night (4279) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

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  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1950) Bad night (608)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.

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  (417): Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink. http://tfl.nu/412l
  Replies (5) Good night (2059) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?

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  (248): What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence? http://tfl.nu/gb31
  Replies (6) Good night (1200) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him

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  (570): I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him http://tfl.nu/0mnm
  Replies (2) Good night (969) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Or possibly end in a restraining order?

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  (585): Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy? (1-585): Or possibly end in a restraining order? http://tfl.nu/8n7h
  Replies (8) Good night (657) Bad night (280)

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