He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
