who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.