I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
