I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
