he wants to bone in the snuggie
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
