She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
