having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
