Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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