Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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