He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize