Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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