you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
