So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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