We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
