rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
