So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
