My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
