Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
that is very illegal...i love you.
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