He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
