Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
