in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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