he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Enjoy the penises
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
